Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I was up all night. The images continue to haunt me.

It all started when I had lunch with Prosecutor Dave yesterday. Dave is the nice prosecutor here in Fiction Town. He doesn't enjoy conflict so he pleads all of his cases out, usually at rock bottom bargains. I once talked him down on an Aggravated Burglary With a Deadly Weapon charge, a second degree felony, to Trespassing, a petty misdemeanor.

Dave is a trust fund child so he really doesn't have to work at all but he enjoys the social interaction and the feeling that he is employed in the service of the public. Dave has a beautiful wife, an architect from Mexico City, and is one of those guys who never seems to have any stress in his life.

We were at Senor Charlie's, our favorite Mexican dive restaurant, polishing off Grande Combination Plates and talking about Dave's recent trip to Costa Rica. Dave was showing me pictures of vipers. Dave spent most of his time in the jungle searching out CR's legendary venomous snakes while his gorgeous wife laid out on the beach. I hate snakes and I don't know why anyone in his right mind would actually go out of his way to be within striking range. When I see a snake I run like hell but I suppose it's Dave's way of getting a yearly dose of excitement. Me, I would have been back at the resort charging the adrenaline batteries by banging the sexy architect day and night. To each his own.

The photos were giving me the creeps so I changed the subject.

"Let's talk business so I can write our lunch off."

Dave grinned. "You've got to get over your fear of snakes."

"It's not that I fear them, I just want them all to be dead. I take it you haven't showed these to Prosecutor Bitchy?"

Dave and Prosecutor Bitchy haven't spoken in a year. One day Dave decided that the War on Drugs was a foolish waste of time and resources so he dismissed all of his marijuana cases. Prosecutor Bitchy was not amused.

"She's really not such a bad person, just a little overzealous when it comes to this prosecution stuff," he said. Dave was like Will Rogers - he never met a soul he didn't like, even when they gave him the silent treatment for months.

"J. Edgar Hoover was overzealous. Bitchy's downright fanatical."

"She's just a little pissy with you because you turned her down."

Last year Bitchy and I ran into each other at Otis' Dock, the bar out by the lake. She had been drinking from a pitcher of margaritas all night and was feeling no pain. She began coming on to me but I got the hell away. Kind of like my reaction to snakes.

"Self-preservation. I had a feeling that she would have torn into me and left me scarred for life."

Dave laughed. "I think she prefers it the other way around."

"What do you mean by that?"

"She's into the S and M thing but from what I've seen she likes to be the submissive one."

Yes, he said it that casually, the way one would say "so and so enjoys dessert but prefers pie to cake."

My fork was frozen in mid-air, cheese and red chile sliding through the tines, heading for refuge back down on the plate. Dave was still eating away.

I cleared my throat. "How on earth would you know something like that?"

Dave shrugged. "I hacked into her computer. There's some nasty stuff on there." He took a drink of his iced tea.

Don't leave me hanging Dave. "Such as?"

"Some videos. I guess she's having an affair with one of the Highway Patrol guys from Other Town. She seems to enjoy handcuffs and leg restraints and batons." He took another bite. "She likes them a whole bunch, it appears."

The remaining cheese on my suspended fork was beginning to congeal. I thought of something to say but words simply wouldn't come.

Dave went on. "There's this one clip, it's actually the video from the cop's unit. I guess they played out some kind of traffic stop scenario. He pulls her over, yanks her out of the car, cuffs her hands behind her back then bends her over her trunk and plugs away."

Dave had finished his plate.

"Are you sure she was a willing participant?"

Dave shrugged. "Based upon her reaction, I mean she had this earsplitting orgasm that would put Jenna Jameson to shame. Besides, there's lots of other videos, like this one where he takes his Taser and presses it against her . . ."

"Whoa, that's enough." I'm as kinky as the next guy but there comes a point.

Dave nodded. "Yeah, I suppose it is."

I paid the bill and we left.

The images have plagued me ever since.

What's worse is that I can't stop masturbating.


At 9:44 AM, Blogger Leann said...

You are such a man!! Geesh.

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